A Mother's Musings
by MummyRussia
Summary: Red's thoughts as she stumbles across a sleeping Nicky.


Disclaimer: I own nothing but my love for OITNB

As requested by Mecha

**A Mother's Musings**

Red tiptoed over to where Nicky was sound asleep on her bunk. It was nearing late evening; most of the woman had settled off into their own little groups now, no more general chitchat being thrown across the many small divides between bunks. No more did anyone fight or play in the little aisle separating the two rows of twelve little rooms, each holding two.

This was Red's favourite part of the night. The cavernous room would slowly fill with an atmosphere that settled against the walls and dimmed all the sharp edges and restraints of their confinement until one could almost believe she was a free woman once more. As the sun would slowly set the light caressed the twin little partitioned rows, causing a calming shadow puppet play up against the darkened outer walls. The observational room, not blessed with the setting light, sunk into nonexistence along with the rest of Litchfield. In those twilight hours, beyond those familiar twenty-four, there was nothing.

However, the biggest reason Red loved the ritual wind down was because of the company people chose to keep. It was the time for family, for comradeship, for quiet celebrations that you had made it through another day. For Red, it was time with her daughter.

Unfortunately though she had ran later than normal tonight, order night for the monthly food had taken her longer than she expected. Now that they had cut their monthly food expense even shorter, it was becoming increasingly harder to feed her ladies. By the time she had finally entered the dormitory it seemed Nicky, along with everyone else, had long since retired.

With a muted chuckle Red gently removed the ear buds still blaring from her daughter's ears, placing the old walkman on her bedside cabinet.

Nicky's face was partially obscured by her gorgeous mass of strawberry blond curls. With slightly trembling fingers Red extended her hand, fingertips barely skimming the soft skin of her daughter's cheek as she brushed aside her hair to better view her face. She looked so innocent, so pure sound asleep like she was with her nimble legs curled inwards towards her chest for warmth.

She was a good girl her Nicky.

Red treasured every aspect of her girl, even when she was acting out and being a mischievous little terror, forcing Red's hand to discipline. Even then her girl was everything to her.

Unconsciously Red found herself perching on the edge of the little bunk, wincing slightly as it creaked with the new weight. Nicky did not stir.

Her hand slowly trailed down her little girl's body, never quite touching her, just hovering above until she reached her hand. Unable to resist, Red gently took her hand within her own, holding it as though it was a delicate treasure that needed protecting.

But that was the thing...

She did need protecting. Protecting from this horrible world, this harsh place, the hard people- Nicky was in many ways like a child- like a little girl. Not that she was naive or immature like an adolescent, far from it; Nicky was intelligent and extremely thoughtful.

No, when Red describes her daughter as a child, it's because she sees her for what she really is. She sees the abandoned infant, the frightened youth, the desperateness to belong all simmering beneath her happy go lucky attitude she hid behind. She sees the innocence and vulnerability of a child. Even though Nicky tried her very best to keep everyone at arm's length (her mother's cruel gift to her) it left her more vulnerable to being hurt when she did let someone in. She dreads the day Lorna gets out of Litchfield, for she's sure it'll break her daughter's heart.

Thankfully, most people only ever saw her attitude and mouth, her quick and naughty humour and mistook these defences for truth. It never fooled Red, not even for a second.

Of course, the main reason Nicky is often described as her little girl was because she was just that- she was Red's little girl. In their little group, they all knew it; they all respected the mother, daughter duo. The older women of the group, Red's closest friends, Miss Claudette, the sister and Big Boo had almost become like aunts to Nicky, having been privy to certain private moments between Red and her daughter, they soon grew fond of the girl, and would often keep her in check when Red wasn't around.

Letting out a little chuckle Red recalls the time Sister Ingalls frogmarched Nicky by the tip of ear into the kitchen area raving on about how she had caught Nicky and Morrelo in the chapel again. Nicky's cheeks were the most crimson shade of red. Which was unusual considering Nicky rarely got embarrassed but Sister Ingalls was determined to let Red in on all the gory details about the position she had found the cooks daughter in. Nicky had been ordered to work a month in the chapel in repayment for 'disrespecting the holy place.'

Coming back to the present, Red carefully placed Nicky's hand back by her side. She knew really she should leave her to sleep but she couldn't will herself to move away. Instead she ever so gently edged into the space next to Nicky, and tenderly tucked her daughter's head beneath her chin. Ignoring the sensible part of her subconscious warning her that she would aggravate her back sleeping in such a confined space, Red let her eyes close momentarily, breathing in the heady scent of Nicky's hair. (She always smelt like peaches, even with the standard prison shampoo.)

It was a rare thing to have moments like this, what with Nicky's endless energy and inability to keep still, Red had to grab her chances to hold her daughter whenever she could.

Idly running her free hand up and down Nicky's exposed arm, she noted the slight chill of her skin with a frown. Stretching her legs out as far as she could without jostling Nicky too much, she managed to hook the scratchy blanket forward with her feet until she could just about grab it and pull it over them both.

'Can't have you getting ill now can we.' She whispered softly, her voice a tad roar and raspy with lack of use over the last few hours.

'D o you remember that time you caught that funny bug going around?' She asked pointlessly into the dark, well aware that Nicky was lost to some dream world. She carried on talking none the less.

'Oh what a nightmare you were. Wouldn't eat anything, wouldn't lie down, I practically had to tie you to the bed to make sure you got some rest.' She laughed, her hand now stroking her straw-coloured curls.

Snorting suddenly, trying in vain to stifle a laugh as yet another memory came to mind, Red buried her face in her daughter's hair.

'Do you remember the time I got ill? You tried to make me some chicken soup. I don't think I'd ever eaten soup with a fork before. Bless your heart.' Her lips brushed the sleeping girl's crown as the warm feeling the memory brought washed over her.

Her mind wandered to her favourite fantasy of hers, one she always dreamt about when she was feeling down. It always involved Nicky and her investing in their own restaurant, they'd discussed it many times. They had decided that they would serve American food to please the masses but with a unique Russian edge to each dish. Nicky had insisted they call it Mama Red's. Whether or not it would actually come to pass was something neither of them could assure, but the thought alone carried Red through many a sleepless night.

'Whatever happens I can promise you one thing at least. I'm not going anywhere. You'll never be alone again baby girl.' She accentuated her statement with another feather light kiss to Nicky's crown, before allowing her eyes to flutter close once more.

With the warmth of her daughter by her side and the steady rhythm of Nicky breathing eventually lulled the cook into a serene state of happiness. Despite the fact that tomorrow morning they would wake up and still be incarcerated, still be trapped within the grubby halls of Litchfield, right now she had all she needed and cared for. And because of that Red fell asleep with a smile on her face.

_Short, simple and sweet, but I hope you enjoyed it __Mechaa__, as much as I hope anyone else kind enough to read it enjoys it too. :D _


End file.
